“Before I Knew Me” is inspired by the biblical scripture Jeremiah 1:5 'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I sanctified you;” this profound scripture holds so much depth and truth in context if you understand who God truly is. His knowledge goes well beyond the time we came into existence. No matter what situation we choose to enter or what situation God allows – He knows beforehand that we’d make it through – even when it looks like we’re headed for destruction. Before discovering who I am in God, He had already purposed a plan for my life. Before my parents even had a thought of my conception, God knew the path my life would ultimately take and the inevitable twists and turns I’d experience along the way.
This realization makes sense to me in the present, but in the past, life had taken its toll on me and giving up WAS an option. I’ve since accepted that each experience was an opportunity for preparation and growth. I also realized that far too often I’ve played the role of victim. I fell victim to a tumultuous life and its consequences. I was a victim of my deliberate rebellion against God. The reality, I lived ungodly and I was powerless to the enemy of my soul. As far as I was concerned, God had abandoned me. I was consumed with earthly desires that would soon be shaken from the foundation of which they were built.
This whole process was not meant to break me down, yet designed to build me up to receive the best God has for me and to prepare me to do work for His kingdom. I needed to be separated from all unhealthy attachments; cleansed from lustful desires, fornication, low self-worth, and false ideologies. I needed to learn patience, truth, forgiveness and most importantly, my spirit needed to be purified. My heart had been entangled in darkness for so long. I seriously thought God had a vendetta against me and I didn’t understand why. Why would I believe that about God? I believed it because I didn’t know Him, and honestly, I didn’t want to know Him. He had failed me. My heart was closed to Him, and I tried to live my life with a soul that was fragmented. A soul fragmented does no one any good. We constantly try to plug in those missing pieces with things that don't fit like men/women, drugs, gambling, drama, gossip, sex, alcohol, and so on. How can we offer our whole heart to anything when our soul is barely pieced together? The truth, each of us has a God-sized hole only He can fill. Don't spend your entire life chasing a filling when God is here, ready, willing, and able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all we can ask or think. I should have been able to offer my very best to God but I couldn’t in my rebellious state. I needed for Jesus Christ to intercede. I needed to be saved from me.
This blog serves as a testimony of God’s redemptive love and power and prayerfully as encouragement as to how you too can experience freedom through Jesus Christ.