Before I Knew Me: My Leap of Faith

Mid-April 2011 is when I decided to move to Dallas. I really didn't have a plan, didn't have another job lined up, didn't know anything about this city; all I had was my faith.  My situation in New Orleans was toxic, I wanted out. By end of May 2011 I was on the road, starting all over again with my daughter for the 3rd time at nearly 30 years old. I was at the lowest point of my life in New Orleans, I mean thee lowest. Mentally and physically drained, terribly depressed and acting like I had no sense. When I moved I knew I couldn't take that same attitude with me. You can change your environment but if your mindset doesn't change, you'll end up back where you started.  Though it was hard making this decision, for the very first time I trusted God enough to provide.  There was no way but up and something in me knew God would be my cushion if I'd fall.

This was it! God had been placed it in my heart to move but I was so stubborn. I said I would never live in TX, didn't want to live with my sister 'cause I'm grown, leaving most of my family, etc. excuse after excuse pretty much. But God. He already had my new life lined up for me but I chose to reside in my struggle. Sometimes God has to make us so uncomfortable that we're forced out of our pain and brokenness.  Apparently, He knew I ready, I had to realize that I had -- had enough and I finally listened to God's voice. In the six weeks before the date I selected to move, I had to be proactive by searching for a job out there.  I managed to get a phone interview and a couple of face-to-face interviews lined up the week I arrived.  By the end of my third week in Dallas I was hired making nearly twice as much as I did in N.O., and by month four (4) I had my own apartment, my daughter was doing well in school and I had regained a sense of stability.  This is how I knew it was God, it was seamless.  Not once did I miss a car payment, phone payment, a meal, or anything of necessity.  It still amazes me how He kept me through it all.


A lot of times we place our feet in a direction and expect God to guide us.  This time I allowed God to place my feet and I followed Him.  You see, a couple of years before I moved I struggled with how I was and who I was.  Very reserved, respectable, from the outside looking in but straight up tow up on the inside. My soul was fragmented; my reality dark. I was clubbing, fornicating, a weekend alcoholic, in the most dysfunctional relationship I'd ever experienced, my finances were all over the place, I was in major debt I couldn't repay, my situation was riddled with stress from my poor decision making and restoration was my only option. Being a single mom trying to manage all of this didn't lighten the load either. But God. In 2009 I realized the trauma I experienced as a child motivated a lot of my behavior, it didn't excuse it, but it motivated my decisions and subsequent actions causing me to respond to life irresponsibly.  I'd lived so reckless for so long, being free seemed impossible but it was necessary. It began with subtle changes in my thinking, which evolved into changes in my heart and changes in what I desired.  The process would take several years and prove to be worth it. Though God continues to work on me, in me, and through me - I can stand now and declare that I've been redeemed.

The revelation from the healing process was purpose. My purpose was born of pain, which happens when one gives birth to anything.  The pushing and pressure wasn't easy, but the end product, amazing. God has used me and will continue to use me to draw others to Him.  He has blessed me tremendously through my new attitude, my family, my career, my lifestyle, my new business and overall well being. He has placed the right people in my life at precisely the right time. He has restored all that was lost and doubled it. I ain't bragging just sharing the good news about my God because I am grateful. I'm so undeserving of His grace and His mercy but He chooses to bless me anyway. Being obedient helps greatly; we must not only hear from God, but do what He says.  Doing requires action. Obviously, there's still more I need to do and I thank God for pulling me out of my distress, dusting me off, molding me, and making me a usable vessel for His Kingdom. If we would only trust God with every decision in our lives, He can prove His faithfulness. He can show us that He never falters on His promises.  Our minds can't even comprehend His majesty. Don't allow fear to keep you from taking the the leap.  "He is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all we can ask or think..." and I'm encouraged that God will continue the work He started in me, by faith I know He'll see me through. Thank you Lord and thanks to everyone who has helped me along the way. #FaithUp #Leap


1 comment

  • Ashley Wilson

    Thanks for sharing.

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